So You Want to be Mentored…
For years young leaders have bemoaned the fact that they are not being mentored. This seems to be even more acute now that the military is shrinking; leading young leaders to even speak out in the leadership forums of major newspapers. Even more importantly, luminaries like the comic anti-hero Doctrine Man!! have entered the fray. His allusion to the classic children’s novel “Are You My Mother” is particularly apt to the modern mentorship desired by today’s generation.
As a young officer myself, I encounter many peers that seem to feel that they deserve, require, MUST be mentored. This is a service the older generations owe them for their choice to serve. I don’t think has anything to do with their place in the so-called “entitlement generation.” Rather, I think it has to do with a burning desire to succeed and recognition that the knowledge of their superiors could provide insight. Doctrine Man!! covers the problems with being a mentor fairly well, so I will not re-tread that ground. However, I will address it from the position of the mentee.
Not every soldier deserves a mentor or is capable of fostering that kind of relationship. Let’s get that out in the open. Just because you’re one of the 80% of soldiers that believe they are above average does not mean the military owes you a sugar daddy – and that is what I think most soldiers desire when they say they deserve a mentor. They want someone who has been successful that can make sure they are, as well. A mentor is not a king maker, however, but a sounding board and mirror; and one that can only be developed through hard work, respect, and most of all time.
I have been blessed with many great mentors in my short time in the military. I believe this has occurred because of two factors, 1) the Army (in my case) has developed some great leaders from battalion to senior commands that are willing to share their knowledge with energetic young soldiers, and 2) my real desire to UNDERSTAND and patiently build a long-term relationship with more senior officers. Everyone enjoys sharing their experiences, particularly to those they believe will use it for something. This means you have to earn their advice. As Doctrine Man!! said, a mentee must show “Potential. Initiative. Performance. Humility. A willingness to learn and grow.”
Just because you are being mentored does not mean you are solely on the receiving end. You also have to show the goods. Think of a mentoring relationship like a marriage. It takes a lot of work, but must appear to be effortless. You have to be eager while avoiding the stigma of being clingy. Most of all, you have to care about more than just what you will get out of the relationship. It must go beyond a transactional relationship for further advancement.
So, here’s some advice from a no-nothing young soldier – if you want a mentor, figure out what you want to accomplish, find as many people as you can that have already been successful at it, and buy them a beer and cigar. You’d be surprised what kind of relationships you can inspire when you are not demanding to be mentored. Stop looking for your mother, and start looking for talented people that can help you rise above.
